Alright guys, time for a little rant! I know we have all seen them. Posts about why being a SAHM is harder. Then posts saying why being a working mom is harder. As someone who has literally been on every range in the SAHM vs Working Mom spectrum, I am sick of it all. It is time to put an end to these petty “wars” and place more focus on simply supporting our fellow moms.
SAHM Vs Working Mom
So, ladies, I have been a stay at home mom, a working mom out of the home, and now a work from home mom. I think since I have done all of those things, I may have at least some importance in my opinion on the SAHM v Working Mom battle situation. I am just honestly tired of hearing which one is harder. Which one is more work.. Seriously, the answer is NEITHER. Being a mom is hard, no matter what you do. Working outside the home has one set of struggles. Staying home has its own set of struggles. Just because the struggles are different, does not mean that either is less or more difficult. We are all moms, we all want the best for our kids. So can we just stop and think a minute? Put yourself into the shoes of another and really think about it. Instead of doing this though, we tend to make our struggles the most important and only see the positives about the other end of the spectrum. Both have their ups and downs, and we need to learn to respect that. Quit judging and start supporting!
SAHM
I figured if we are going to highlight this SAHM vs working mom battle, I should equally present both sides. So for the first 18 months of my oldest’s life, I was strictly a stay at home mom. While I loved it, it was by no means easy. Every day was the constant struggle of caring for a child while hoping to maybe get some kind of real adult interaction. My husband worked long hour, so I was home a lone often. During this time I felt like I never got a break. I was with my daughter ALL THE TIME. While I love her, sometimes I felt like I needed a break.
Being a SAHM, I was the one responsible for what felt like everything. Cooking, cleaning, taking care of the baby…. It all fell to me. I was overwhelmed at times, and would want to break down and just cry. Adult interaction was fleeting. Typically, my husband would be the only other adult I would see for weeks on end.
I did love it though. I got to be there with my daughter every step of the way. We also saved quite a bit of money not having to pay for daycare. You see though, being a SAHM isn’t perfect sunshine and rainbows. It comes with its own set of struggles for mom to deal with and overcome.
Working Mom
Moving on to the other side of this SAHM vs working mom spectrum. Working moms have it rough as well, but in a different way. When I was working outside of the home, I would get up extra early. I had to get myself ready, get my daughter ready, and head out the door. She, thankfully, assimilated into daycare very well, but not all kids do, so there is another struggle right there. I would work all day, pick her up and mom all night. While yes, at this point in life my husband was very helpful, I still struggled with balancing everything that needed to be done. It hurt when I would miss something for my daughter because I was working, but I did it.
Working outside of the home felt like a constant battle with the clock. Trying to balance everything and there never being enough hours in the day. While I enjoyed my job as a personal injury paralegal, I still missed my baby girl. The struggle of the working mom is balance, time, missing time with kids. Again, this isn’t easy, but I don’t think being a mom is ever truly easy. I loved my job, made good money, but still, it was not the life for me.
Working From Home
Now, I work from home, and for me it has been the best of two worlds. I get to have income and be home with my tiny heathens. Once again though, working from home as a mom comes with yet another set of struggles. There are times my daughter especially gets upset because I have to work and can’t play all day. She does not yet understand that even though I am home, I still have to work to pay our bills.
I feel like working from home, once again, is a balancing act. Trying to find that perfect schedule. Staying up late and getting up early just to work while the kids sleep. Personally, I wouldn’t trade my work at home mom life for anything, but it isn’t for everyone! Just like being a SAHM or working mom isn’t for everyone either.
Just Be Kind
So in the end, I hope this shows you that being a mom just isn’t easy. We all have our own struggles and just because one is different than yours, does not make it any less important. No matter if you are a married mom, single mom, working mom, stay at home mom, or anything in between, you have my support and respect. We all struggle, and how about instead of competing for who has it harder, we just love and support one another. This whole mom thing will never be easy, but it is the best job in the world. So can we just end this SAHM vs Working mom debate?
I am a stay at home mom, and I agree with you. I felt like I have to do everything since I am the one at home and not working. While I love my kids so much, it could be overwhelming and I sometimes needed a break. I hope to be a working mom in a few years. There shouldn’t be wars/debate. At what the world has become, an act of kindness wouldn’t hurt.
totally agree! It is hard no matter what. Being a mom is hard no matter if we work outside the home, work at home, or don’t “work”.
The strange wars us moms wage with each other is… well… Strange. But I think it has to do with the fact that we, as people, are strange! No one person is identical, no one parenting style is right, but at the same time we are doing it right, so is that lady in the store with her 3 kids 2 of which are screaming because she said no to sugar.
I think we forget that we need to be kind to everyone, we all come from different walks of life but all know no matter how put together we look, we have all hidden in the bathroom with ice cream cause we dont want to share with the kids or husband
YES! We should just be kind! And i totally hide in the laundry room hahaha happily eating my sweets that I don’t want to share 🙂
I am with you: just be kind. I never understood the wars. We’re all mothers, are we not? It just seems like a waste of energy to get worked up over silly stuff.
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This says it all. Each has it’s struggles. Each has it’s pros. Let’s just support each other in the end of it all!
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I have experienced first 2 worlds and i have loved both. I look forward to trying out working from home but then again, whichever of these you choose, it’s going to be a mix of fun and struggle. Well written.
Being a mom is a full time job itself, one without breaks or holidays. And it’s the most difficult and beautiful job on the world! I’m tired of stereotypes, lets just apreciate moms all over the world more than one day a year!
I’m not a Mum but I hands up don’t see what the issue is with people being either, does it matter? As long as parent and child is happy?
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I love this! I am not a mom yet but growing up my mom got so much greif for having a career. I always felt like I was trying to explain her side and most people would say “well I wanted to spend more time with my kids so I stayed home” as if my mom didn’t… I think you can have an amazing relationship with your kids as a SAHM but I don’t think that means you can’t on the other side because my mom is my best friend and we always had great mom / daughter dates. I am so on board to end this!
I love this post I have been stay at home, part time, benefits, single, working, PT working, married, off sick with stress mum and each and every one of those experiences were equally as hard and humbling as the others.
I see absolutely nothing wrong with either. I would have loved to stay home with my kids when they were little but at the time, I was a single parent and unable. Situations differ and we adjust.
I think it’s tough enough just being a woman these days. We should be positive and supporting one another instead of comparing and bringing each other down.
I totally agree! It’s insane that there is such a stigma! A mum is a mum, regardless of how they choose to parent or what life choices they make. It’s a tough job, life is tough. We should be supporting and championing each other, not judging!
I have been all 3: the working mom, the stay at home mom and now the work at home mom. Neither is easier than the other. It’s all about listening to your heart and each person’s heart is different. We need the working moms as much as we need the stay at home moms and only the person can know which is right for them and their family.
It’s hard enough being a mom-overall, taking care of little ones and our husbands and errands and never ending house shores that the least we need is that guilt or shame because money isn’t coming home from our end. I did the SAHM and even now, that I work from home get the “she’s at home” or “she’s a SAHM”. Well, yes, but I also work from home. So, for me the battle has been more – me with myself. Me feeling upset with not following the expectations of the world. Then I remember that many other people wish they worked from home and didn’t have to commute or deal with office drama.
Every situation, even if we love it, has struggles and cons. I got to be a SAHM for my last child until 2nd grade!! I was very, very fortunate.
I think stay at home moms and working moms both work really hard. I don’t think anyone should criticize either woman because they might just be doing what’s best for their family
I am not a mom yet but I take care of my niece. I think both are not easy and the “war” should stop. Just a little kindness and understanding will bring peace to this issue.