Alright ladies, time to get real for a minute. I keep seeing these posts out there on the interwebs talking about fabulous husbands who help out around the house and babysit the kids. They tend to go something like this ” My husband is so great, he does dishes and even babysits anytime I want him to”. Okay, that sounds lovely and all, but honestly, my husband doesn’t help out. Shocking I know, but stay with me for a minute. My husband doesn’t “help out” he just does his part. He doesn’t babysit because he parents. A marriage and being parents are 100/100. With each partner giving 100%. Sometimes our “jobs” are different, but we work together as a team.
Why My Husband Doesn’t Help Out
So I love my husband. I wouldn’t have married him if I didn’t. He is an amazing husband and father and a very hard worker. That isn’t to say he is perfect, far from it actually but he is my perfectly imperfect man.
That being said, my husband doesn’t help out around the house. Yup, you heard me. You see, when I hear so many women gushing about how their husbands help out around the house, I kind of want to gag. It is comical to in a way. So many of these men are getting exorbitant amounts of praise for doing simple tasks.
“My husband did the dishes today, he must be an a saint sent from heaven! ”
“My husband ACTUALLY swept the floor, what an amazing man I have.”
Do you see what I mean? It is a little much if you ask me. I am a firm believer that a relationship should be a team effort. Each party should be giving 100%. There is no “women’s work” or “men’s work”. It is just …work.
So if I feel this way, why would I so happily state that my husband doesn’t help out? Well, that is because he doesn’t. He does his part. He does his share of the dishes, his share of the cleaning, and yes I do appreciate it. That doesn’t mean I am going to scream from the rooftops how amazing he is because he washed a pot. That is just silly. He is an adult and if he wants clean dishes or clean clothes, sometimes he just has to do them himself.
On the same note, it bothers me even more when I hear other moms mention that their husband’s babysit for them. I was under the impression that a babysitter is someone who is NOT the parent of the child that they are watching.
This may just be me, but my husband doesn’t babysit, he parents. If I want to go out with the girls one night, he will stay home with the kids. That is not babysitting. I repeat, THAT IS NOT BABYSITTING. I don’t know why this bothers me so much, but it really does.
Should we be giving excess amounts of praise to our husbands for doing these tasks that they should be doing in the first place? I mean, no one ever made a social media post singing from the rooftops because their wife babysat one night or did a load of laundry.
How is it that we as wives and moms are just expected to do these things, but husbands and fathers get ridiculous amounts of praise for doing the same thing? I mean, my husband and I are both adults, working together to have a clean and functioning household.
So when I say my husband doesn’t “help out”, I don’t mean he sits around all night watching television and eating chips. He does his part. Cleaning, cooking, parenting. He just doesn’t need a crazy amount of praise for simply adulting. I love him, and he does so much and works so hard, as do I. You see, the way this all works out is as a team venture. All are happy and the house is ( sort of) clean.
Jessi is a working mom to two living in Central Florida. She has a Master’s Degree in Legal Studies but decided to make her career in social media marketing and content writing. When she isn’t cooking up something new in the kitchen, she is traveling with her family and looking for new adventures!
I hate when people say my husband “babysits” it just rubs me the wrong way. No, your husband parents, it’s his job, not a convenience he does for you. This is a great post thank you for sharing.
Exactly! My mom babysits…my husband parents !
Well, nice post you write here, I often read this staffs about how husbands don’t help. My husband helping me I won’t lie, but it takes a long time to start to do that.
This post made me smile, and I agree! It bugs me when people say their husband “babysits” too. Thanks for sharing your perspective on this.
Oh my gosh. I want to SCREAM when I hear a guy say he is babysitting his kids. That’s crazy! I think each couple has to decide how the division of responsibilities works for them. But a father is always parenting when he’s with his kids because that’s his responsibility, just like it’s also a woman’s responsibility.
Ohhh this is a great topic to cover. I think it’s so wonderful when couples have such mutual respect for each other that this doesn’t become an issue. Thanks for bringing it up.
I’m glad someone finally said it. It feels as if it’s something special when the husband does something around the house when he REALLY should be doing those things to begin with. We’re not their maids that we need to do everything for them, it’s a partnership, they have their part and we have ours.
Yes, my hubby would agree. He doesn’t “babysit”, he parents his kids! He has always been the breadwinner, though, so I felt it was fair for me to do more of the housework, etc. Now, that I’m working more, I feel like the work should be more balanced between ALL 4 members of our family, meaning kids too. We are having some growing pains with all of that, but I know it will eventually work to everyone’s benefit!
I love that you wrote this. My husband has never babysat or helped around the house!! He has taken care of the kids while I’ve gone and done something, but never would he call it babysitting. And he helps in this house because he lives here as much as anyone else, so he does his part, not help.
This is fantastic! A dad is not a babysitter. He is the dad. I am blessed to have a husband who loves to be with his wife and children. While I do most of the housework, I am also a SAHM so that is technically my job. But if there are things that need to be done, he is there to do it right beside me!
I couldn’t agree more with this post. We are not living in the 1950s, men are expected to do their share around the house and with the kids. While I do think you should show your appreciation them as they should for you, I will never get how some women let their husbands get away with doing nothing. Marriage is a partnership, which means you work together.
I love this post! It seems as though society still pushes gender stereotypes which is absolute madness in this day and age. Like you say, we are equals in the house and we should all do whatever needs to be done, despite our gender. Thanks for posting this.
I love this! A relationship takes the effort of two people, it wouldn’t be fair to expect one person to do more than the other!
OMG Preach this loud! I hate those conversations with co-workers about how their husbands do or don’t help. And I’ve never understood why someone would get into a relationship and not expect it to be 100% like what you’ve written. I love seeing relationship that talk the same way I feel.
Couldn’t agree more! My husband is step-dad to my son, and even he doesn’t view watching my son as “babysitting.” Nor does he see doing the dishes or making the bed as a “favor” to me. The way we talk about things matters. If we expect more, we’ll get more. That’s just the nature of things. You explained it well.
That’s very well said. We shouldn’t be proud that they’re doing those things because those are their responsibilities. We didn’t have kids so that we can take care of them alone, we also didn’t buy a house so that we’d have to maintain it alone. We have our husbands to help us through life, not help out when they only want to.
I wasn’t sure what you meant, but once I started reading, I completely understood and you’re right. They do their part, as it should be. 😉
This post is great! I hear a lot of husbands saying they’re babysitting their kids, they’re doing household chores, etc..
I agree it shouldn’t be newsworthy when our husbands pitch in. They live in the same house, use the same toilets and same dishes as we do. So why does it become one persons responsibility to care for those things?
You don’t know how many times I have said these very same things over the years! Thanks for sharing on the SundayBlogshare – I have shared a link to your great post on PainPals regular feature Monday Magic – Inspiring Blogs for You, Claire
That’s awesome, and I’m so glad you liked the post 🙂
My partner does not “help out,” it is a partnership…as it should be. This person cannot do it all alone and it is so helpful to have someone to help out equally.
This is inconsistent. Sure, any man who watches their own children is their parent. I have never heard a father refer to babysitting his own children, but I have heard mothers use the term. Generally, in this way. Mother says “I have been babysitting our children all day and it sure is nice to have an adult conversation.
Last month I received a call from my wife and she depends upon me for certain things, which she should. The septic tank had backed up and the basement was a mess. She was frustrated and understandably upset. So I left work and went home and cleaned up the sewage as I would not consider this a job for my wife.
According to this blog, she should have been right there beside me shoveling, mopping and cleaning up septic sewage, contacting a contractor and pulling a permit at the county for a new septic tank install. After the install, the yard needed grading and resodding. Then, the house needed painting and the Corian countertops needed refinishing. Her car needed tires and an oil change. We also had a roof leak. All of this in the month of November of 2017.
I average 52 hours of work per week and she works 20 hours a month. Every Friday. You see, I am not of the metrosexual type
I appreciate your opinion, even if it can vary from mine in a way. I don’t mean to say that men ans women can’t be depended on for different things and have their own strengths and weaknesses. I have been out in the yard helping my husband work before, and he in the house doing dishes. It is a team effort, and you have to find what works for each individual couple. I have never said I babysit my kids, and never heard another mom use those words, but it is possible. Typically the mom is home with the kids all day, and does need some adult conversation, that isn’t negative in any way. My husband works his full time job, with a side job and I work full time hours from home, and we make it work because we work as a team. I am not sure where you are getting metrosexual either, I never mentioned anything a long those lines. I hope you have a wonderful day, and as I said it is all about partnership and what works for each couple.
Preach it! Great read…something a lot of people need to keep in mind with their significant other. You marry a partner; not an unpaid intern that helps out with things.
Preach it! Great read…something a lot of people need to keep in mind with their significant other.
Very true!! 100/100 not 50/50
This is exactly how I feel! I love my husband but he doesn’t even do his fair share and I’ve been mad about it. (We have a two month old. Our first/first for both of us) everyone who I’m close to say well men need praise to help. They make it seem like it’s okay to coddle them! Like no I don’t “want his help” I want him to do his fair share. This is not just my child or my house. You are not a guest! You are my equal and my other half so I expect him to act like it. I don’t get why women let men get away with it!